Thank you

To everyone who left a comment and emailed – it means a lot to me, and your generosity of spirit and perspicacity are so much deeper than the supposed professional. I hope that all of this medical training hasn’t beaten out of me the common-sense wisdom and gentleness with which you have responded to me and that I can offer the same to someone else someday. Thank you so much for the reality check, the “you’re crazy, but not that crazy” that I so badly needed to hear.

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7 Comments

  1. Sara, i love you. you must be a good person because your words are reaching out to me and i am living so far away from you on the other side of the planet. and about the shrink thing… i am hearing you darling as i also have the habit of putting on make up when i am in trouble. it worked for me coz the shallow minded son of the bitch didnt even notice that i was off his anti psychotics for three years. probably coz i looked good… best of luck.
    love, Milo

  2. sending you a big hug Sara…
    love Milo

  3. A post like this only proves you are the kind caring person I believe you are. What a beautiful post. i am certain you will have plenty of opportunity to pass on loving kindness to others one day…in fact you already do in your responses to other’s posts.
    …aqua

  4. You’re more than welcome.

  5. hang in there Sara…
    i think you are a beautiful person too. lots of love from Milo

  6. S-

    There’s a lot in your blog and I am sure I can’t read as much much as I’d like. Given the time of year, I really want to respond, though, and hope I will be welcome as a part of your community for a long time to come.

    It seems like in spite of this wonderful therapeutic forum, you are still way down in the land down under right now. I’m sending hugs first of all. I really want things to get better for you. I’ve been deep in the land down under, too.,

    That said, and at the risk of going to places I shouldn’t (especially given that we have just met), here’s my point of view….. (Feel free to tell me I totally don’t understand, and to take my senseless drivel elsewhere)

    1. It sounds like you are trying to be superwoman. I did that for a long time. I knew I was bipolar but gawddamit, I was not about to let it show. I would NOT let it get in the way of my work, my relationship with my husband/kids/parents/sister/in-laws. In fact, when I was first diagnosed, my husband was a bit suspicious. He said, “but you function so well.” Yeah, I was functioning, but I wasn’t helping myself. The more “normal” things seemed on the outside, the more havoc I created inside myself. I guess what I’m trying to say is if you can figure out how, try to give yourself space to be human.

    Heck, maybe even do something nice for yourself. It sounds like other folks who love you have their ideas about what that nice thing should be, but if you are like me, you won’t have as much fun doing what someone else things will be good for you as you will doing something you figure out on your own. I guess I have a rebellious streak in me that way.

    I can’t help but wonder….. is your self esteem (or lack thereof) getting in the way of your healing process?

    YES, YOU DO DESERVE TO FEEL BETTER!!!!! Look, I don’t really know you from Eve, but I see folks who’ve been following you for a while have plenty of wonderful things to say about you, and you should listen.

    2. Having written off therapy and having avoided meds for years, I can understand your desire to jump off that ship, but is there any place in your mind/heart to give someone else a chance to help you? After 4 therapists and far more drug cocktails that worked for a while and then didn’t, I can really say that I am FAR better off now, and I am glad that the people who love me urged me to stick with it (even though I got frustrated as heck sometimes). Obviously lithium is not for you (wasn’t for me, either) and your current shrink should not be practicing. What the hell is he thinking? So… what resources to you have to try to find a better fit?

    At the risk of sounding like a broken record, YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!!! MUCH BETTER. Easy for me to say, right? Easy for this person whose only experience with you is reading your posts with an open heart (and at times, teary eyes). Look, in spite of all your self deprecation, even I can see that you know that you deserve better, too. I see it when you say, “I should fire my shrink, but…..” Try stopping the sentence before the “but” because you’re just making excuses for what you know you need to do. I wish there was something concrete I could do to help you actually make that happen (beyond encouragement and support from my little corner of Bloglandia).

    Given your desire to really limit who knows that you are bipolar, does it make sense to drive a bit farther than others would to find the right person? Now that I have the right person for me, I think that I’d drive an hour to see him.

    3. During these days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, maybe it would be a good exercise to reread all the loving and supportive comments to your posts and comments that were meaningful to you (and much appreciated) that you’ve posted on other blogs. Remind yourself that you are a wonderful woman. On Erev Yom Kippur, maybe it would be helpful to surround yourself with people who understand you and appreciate you for all that you offer. That way when it is sealed on Yom Kippur, you may feel more optimistic for the coming year.

    B’shalom, and Shana Tova.
    Sisyphesse

  7. Dearest… I want to respond. I really do. I’m just not in the right headspace. And I have too much respect for you to give you a half-assed response. So… there’s one coming your way. Soon. I promise.


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