Holding on, waiting for the thunder

So far, med free. The shrink called and is back from vacation, but I’m debating whether to go back or not. I really only need to if I decide to try meds again. So far, I don’t feel so great, and STILL having some withdrawal issues, but it is a little bit nice to remember who I am underneath all the medication.

I guess I should return the call to at least inform him. Why is this like breaking up? Why is the worst, most dysfunctional relationship in my life the one I have with my shrink?

I didn’t get my nice hypomanic buzz at coming off any of these. And my hypersensitivity is setting back in – every little touch feels like pain, clothes are uncomfortable, etc. But this is who I am, raw and pure. I will take it for as long as I can.

Since this is another piece of self-indulgent bullshit, if you have been following Purple Dog at all, be sure to update and offer Jon some support right now, having lost a son to this illness in a most unexpected way.



  1. Hi Sara,
    I don’t see your blog post as “self indulgent bullshit”. Writing about your feelings and thoughts is both cathartic and for me anyways, helps me work though things and make decisions. I have the “hypersensitivity” you talk of, not only when I go off meds, bit quite often even when I’ on meds (although no meds have helped until my recent combo…but still get hypersensitive…especially about noise)

    Do you get anything ,other than prescriptions, out of your relationship with your pdoc? I do not want to tell youwhat to do, but my experience has been that an intense, safe and trustworthy theapeutic alliance is better than any medication out there. Hope I’m not being preachy. I just really want to see you have the opportunity to thrive.
    Take care,

  2. No, you’re not preachy. I’m putting this out here because I’m always looking for advice and suggestions.

    What do I get from the doctor besides (bad) prescriptions? A sense that I’m more fucked up than I am, ugly diagnoses, patronizing attitude, and feeling worse about myself than when I go in.

    But somehow, I sort of think I’m there to help him more than the other way around…like if our paths crossed in life, it’s more for that than the opposite.

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