The Great Experiment Ends

I’m sharing this story because it is funny, but also because, well, I was hoping so much that things would work out, that lithium and I would be a love affair that would last a decade. Guess not.

I quit taking it med altogether. I had a series of poor coordination accidents over the last two days that started to worry me. I slammed my face in the car door. That was bizarre. I was driving extra careful, and then I got out of the car, bent over still half in to get my stuff, and I kept saying to myself, “You’re all spacey, so be careful and DO NOT LOCK THE KEYS IN THE CAR DO NOT LOCK THE KEYS IN THE CAR KEEP YOUR FUCKING EYES ON THE KEYS DO NOT SET THE KEYS DOWN WHEN YOU PICK UP SOMETHING ELSE OR CLOSE THE DOOR.”

So, eyes fixated on the keys in my hand, still half bent over the open car, thinking the whole time, I AM LOOKING AT THE KEYS AND THEY ARE IN MY HAND, I reached out with the other hand and slammed the door and WHAM, something hit me so hard in the side of the face I saw black. I had no fucking idea what it was until I looked up and saw the side of the car door, inches from my face.

That was pretty much enough of this med for me. There was another smaller incident like that, but holy hell…

Just today, someone online discussed how it takes 3 months to know if it will be for you. I have been at it less than 2, and I chose this slow point in my life as a time to try changing meds. But I can’t afford any more time; a new project has come up that has to be done by March 24th. I need my brain. I need some real sleep.

Who the fuck in the world can just take 3 months out of life to sit around and stare at a wall while waiting for a med to work? I think I might be more jealous of them than of people who aren’t crazy.

Appointment in three days to figure out the next step. I may have to just stay off meds through March 24th so I can handle that situation.

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3 Comments

  1. Hey,
    hope you are still feeling lots better….and your poor face is healing too. Please be sure to let us know what happens at your next appointment and all, okay? And just keep us updated on y o u , ‘k?
    take good care and know you are in my thoughts, tracy

  2. I laughed, I admit it. But I am sorry it didn’t turn out well, having hoped that, given your ambivalence, it would prove to be worth the trouble… You’ve been on my mind often xo

  3. Ugh– I can see how that would be a point of no return. My klutziness has never gotten that bad, for sure, nor have I have the sleep effects. Fingers crossed for a new drug and a new trial. I’ve never tried the big D, but I really liked lamotrigine for the time I was on it.


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