Anxiety

Today I made and ate almost a whole lasagna. A friend ate too, but I ate most of it. Any weight loss I had from the last three months of hard work is going to be GONE.

It’s the middle of the night. I just got up and ran for half an hour. I was that nervous.

Why?

Because today I was in the sun for a total of about 5-10 minutes, but this med, the best one I have ever had as far as making me feel ok, be able to work, and not be totally numb, has made me incredibly sensitive to sunlight. My skin has aged a ton since starting. And I get a sunburn from the slightest exposure. I’m not even particularly light skinned.

This, with the blood pressure drops and the racing pulse and the weight gain, is making me think that I might need to switch meds. This is going to be a hassle as I have no shrink. And I’m afraid to mess with something that is finally working.

But it didn’t used to do this. So maybe the levels are too high. I guess that’s the first step. But god, it’s so damn hard. I just do not want to deal with this right now.

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