Yet another Shrink’s Line of the Day

Yesterday I decide that I feel bad about quitting the shrink all abruptly and in a rage. That I didn’t want to end like that, if just out of politeness. I really wanted to call and leave a message apologizing, and wishing him a happy holiday. I said that I was going to be the [...]

Enough

I finally wrote what I thought was a reasonable letter to the shrink, since he never seemed to hear what I said…about how I can’t live in the dark about what is wrong with me or how to fix it, that I was deeply hurt and concerned about the borderline thing, etc. I hoped that [...]

I did not see this coming

The latest in my escapades – no essays or deep thoughts or medical stuff here, just my personal update.
The anxious racing episode, naturally, crashed into a depression that hit hard and fast. Or maybe not so fast, but I didn’t feel it until it was out of control.
I think I am more and more becoming [...]

Crying at the shrink

I did cry at the shrink’s the other day, and that was strange, because I’m usually so hard and in control. But I was so strung out by anxiety and three days of no sleep from the bupropion that it took me a few minutes to even calm down enough to talk (this kind of [...]

The Rest of My Life

I’ve been writing kind of heavy stuff lately, and I think it has skewed what this started out to be, which was a chronicle of how people who are crazy live in the normal world, how we are mostly invisible to everyone. Lately, you’d think that all I ever am is crazy.
Which is understandable. This [...]

Today something happened to me that never happened before.

I got reprimanded at work.
I apologize for the quality of this post ahead…I’m too tired and my brain is too fried to write well. Here’s what happened.
The last few weeks went surprisingly smoothly, the anger was under control, I was performing ok, and things seemed to be moving along reasonably considering being off all meds. [...]

Why I Don’t Fire the Shrink, and follow-up

I’m sorry to drop the last post down because I think it is one of my more important ones and would like it to get as much traffic as possible. Maybe I’ll make it a page or something, but I wanted to write a little more today.
Tony White over at Graffiti left me a beautiful [...]

Does long-term, non-remitting mental illness need a psychiatrist?

Over at Vicarious Therapy, Aqua is really upset about an article by the Canadian Psychiatric Association. She says that it basically justifies dumping chronically mentally ill people out of the system.
I’m not sure I agree with her interpretation of the article, but I can see why she is offended. But I’m  not. I think they [...]

Why oh why can I not fire this shrink?

Thanks so much to everyone who commented supportively. It means a lot.
I was going to cancel the shrink, having hit such a low that I knew that I’m beyond help by anything human. But then I thought, “That’s ridiculous, to not go to the doctor because you feel too bad.”
I went today and laid out [...]

Sinking into a depression

It started really two weeks ago, was progressively getting worse. The last time I saw the (useless) shrink I mentioned it, to which his answer was, “The things that are bothering you are things that medication doesn’t treat anyway.” I am not sure what to say to something so unhelpful. Mostly because I know that [...]

More hurtful psychiatry

I went to another appointment today, partly to get meds, partly to try to have some kind of useful session. I am in a shitty work environment now, and it’s bothering me, but I didn’t want to waste time talking about it because it is temporary, but he kept poking at that, and once again, [...]

Another dilemma about the shrink

This week, I saw an elderly patient. He had been to the emergency room several times over the last ten days, referred by his family doctor (rightfully). The time he presented to me, the family doctor had sent him with an angry letter, saying he couldn’t understand why we didn’t hospitalize the patient, and to [...]

Borderlines?

The followup was this: I was there again, and he admitted that’s what he thought of me. In some ways, he was really immature about it. For example: instead of just telling me when asked  what I thought he thinks, he threw it back at me, “What do you think I think?” and I said [...]

On further reflection and the rest of the story

Today in the light of day, I still had the kick in the nuts feeling about it. But I made an appointment to go back…and just chill out. And explain why I feel so fucking betrayed. I did realize that part of it is just like what my father used to do to me. He [...]

Psychiatry claims another victim

…or Dona Juana falls for it again.
I have been having a really horrible week. So horrible, in fact, that almost every night on call I get to a point where it is difficult to avoid thinking about suicide seriously…climbing up to the top of a tall building and jumping. I have been inconsolable. I haven’t [...]