On Chronic Depression and Myth

One of the things that occurs a lot in the mentally ill, especially, thought not exclusively, in the mood disordered, is that a mood episode is treated with medication, and the cycling of moods is stopped, yet the person remains miserable, suicidal, even, and suffers a lingering handicap. In the world of psychiatry, this is [...]

Enough

I finally wrote what I thought was a reasonable letter to the shrink, since he never seemed to hear what I said…about how I can’t live in the dark about what is wrong with me or how to fix it, that I was deeply hurt and concerned about the borderline thing, etc. I hoped that [...]

Crying at the shrink

I did cry at the shrink’s the other day, and that was strange, because I’m usually so hard and in control. But I was so strung out by anxiety and three days of no sleep from the bupropion that it took me a few minutes to even calm down enough to talk (this kind of [...]

The Rest of My Life

I’ve been writing kind of heavy stuff lately, and I think it has skewed what this started out to be, which was a chronicle of how people who are crazy live in the normal world, how we are mostly invisible to everyone. Lately, you’d think that all I ever am is crazy.
Which is understandable. This [...]

Why I Don’t Fire the Shrink, and follow-up

I’m sorry to drop the last post down because I think it is one of my more important ones and would like it to get as much traffic as possible. Maybe I’ll make it a page or something, but I wanted to write a little more today.
Tony White over at Graffiti left me a beautiful [...]

In which I fall back into my life

I know, I know, terrible to tempt fate. But it seems that the lithium + Wellbutrin combo is working. I’m not 100%, not even 50%. But I am not bat-shit crazy right now, and that brings both tremendous relief and tremendous horror at how I have acted over the past year. All the flying into [...]

Thank you

To everyone who left a comment and emailed – it means a lot to me, and your generosity of spirit and perspicacity are so much deeper than the supposed professional. I hope that all of this medical training hasn’t beaten out of me the common-sense wisdom and gentleness with which you have responded to me [...]

Holding on, waiting for the thunder

So far, med free. The shrink called and is back from vacation, but I’m debating whether to go back or not. I really only need to if I decide to try meds again. So far, I don’t feel so great, and STILL having some withdrawal issues, but it is a little bit nice to remember [...]

How I Cured My Personality Disorder Without Even Trying

…Quit going to a psychiatrist! And voila: Borderline-be-gone!
(Yuk yuk)
Seriously, since he took a vacation and I went off that fucking Cymbalta, I’ve been feeling really good. Not manic too good, but just okay. I’ve evened out. I still wake up sometimes at 3 AM, but I don’t wake up sobbing and wanting to just die. [...]

Off All Meds, Cymbalta Withdrawal, and Waiting for Disaster

The shrink took a vacation (oh, August, the shrink vacation month…could anything be more irritatingly stereotypical?), thus leaving me with the worst physical withdrawal I could imagine. Seriously, could heroin be worse than this? The lesson out of all of this: never, ever quit Cymbalta! For the past few days, I have been having complete [...]

On further reflection and the rest of the story

Today in the light of day, I still had the kick in the nuts feeling about it. But I made an appointment to go back…and just chill out. And explain why I feel so fucking betrayed. I did realize that part of it is just like what my father used to do to me. He [...]

Psychiatry claims another victim

…or Dona Juana falls for it again.
I have been having a really horrible week. So horrible, in fact, that almost every night on call I get to a point where it is difficult to avoid thinking about suicide seriously…climbing up to the top of a tall building and jumping. I have been inconsolable. I haven’t [...]

Psychiatrist woes revisited

As I said, I’ve been trying to get along at least superficially with this shrink, because I don’t think he’s stupid, which is a lot to start with. Trying to trust his judgment, though I do love the comment someone left on here about med adjustment having the feel of an eighth grade science fair.
This [...]

Medication decisions

The good post will come later, when I can sit down and translate. This is about the details of the medication possibilities offered me.
When I finally went to the shrink, the appointment was ok, but, as I suspected, he wants me to take lithium. Well, it wasn’t that simple, he gave me a shitload of [...]