Thanks for continuing to read

When a poster on a blog like this stops posting, usually one of two things has happened: either they’ve hit a significant remission and have somewhat lost interest in all things mental-health-related, or they have taken ill in a way that keeps them from writing, usually either a severe depression, hospitalization, apathy, or the black [...]

Crying at the shrink

I did cry at the shrink’s the other day, and that was strange, because I’m usually so hard and in control. But I was so strung out by anxiety and three days of no sleep from the bupropion that it took me a few minutes to even calm down enough to talk (this kind of [...]

I have a secret

This is the kind of thing I never admit. Not hardhearted, icy, witchy I.
Now, unmedicated, working so hard late into the night and into the madrugada, when I feel desparate, tired, worn-out and broken down at not even thirty, late in the dark, sometimes when I close my eyes but am too tired to sleep, [...]

Fatter and slower, but nicer

I have gained 3 kg from the lithium. It is getting to bug me, because it is on top of the 8 from the last drug. I think it is because I am just lying around a lot, not exercising, as well as the eating and water gain.
My moods have settled – into a low-level [...]

How I got manic depression

The chain of bad luck, the family curse, began generations before I was born. Ours is a dynasty washed in suffering, inexplicable sadness, insanity, suicide, and unnamed misery. If one were to draw my family tree, it would be a hangman’s tree, the symbol of final verdicts, not amenable to appeal. In the shadow portrait [...]

On Makeup and Magic

I have a strange relationship with my looks. As a child, I could never quite remember what I looked like. I would go about my day, and be faintly surprised every time I caught a snatch of my reflection in a windowpane or in a puddle. “Oh yeah,” I’d think. “That’s who I am.”
I was [...]

My first time

Since I’m procrastinating on preparing for Friday’s big work thing, I figured I may as well go ahead and write a little. Mood is not good now, and I said I was going to write about the first episode I had. Probably better to do that than to whine about all the shit that is [...]