Scared, but back

I am slowly turning human again. A human that has to live in the dark, yes, but human nonetheless. But I don’t feel well. And I start a new job this week, and my first night is a 30 hour shift.
I really wish I had tried to delay starting by another month. But no one [...]

Mixed states?

I can’t sit still and can’t find anything to do, having finished a million projects today and now I am filled with an insatiable appetite for anything physical. Sex, food, violence, motion. I forgot how strange a trip it is from starting medication to the phase where you are balanced again. Crossing all sorts of [...]

Onion link fun

Just a quick update, I probably won’t post in the next couple of days. I’m back on the old med, sunburn be damned, and hope to feel something closer to back to life soon.
This is more or less the situation: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/area_man_makes_it_through_day

And then…things you don’t want to hear your doctor say

come morning, my bedmate started yelling, “Your eyes! Your eyes! What the fuck happened to your eyes? You look like a fucking alien!”
So I wait until it’s a decent hour, then call the shrink. “Whaaaaat?” he says. “Really? I’m going to have to go Google that and get back to you.”
Mydriasis, or my pupils got [...]

Adverse Effects: Effexor

Yesterday mid-day I took the first dose of 75 mg extended release Effexor. Since then I can’t sleep, am shaking with my teeth chattering, want to throw up, and have bad akisthisia (when you can’t keep still) and racing thoughts. My eyes hurt inside and are fuzzy. Every muscle in my body is screaming. [...]

My Dealer and I

A nice surprise. No lamotrigine, no carbemazepine, actually he came up with the idea of trying Effexor alone. I was sort of surprised, as it was his first suggestion and I was okay with it. So I’ve already taken the first pill. It has made me feel a little spacey and pukey, but that’s alright. [...]

Executive Decision

That’s it. Everyone has a breaking point, and six months of non-function, of, let’s face it, non-stop insanity, is mine.
This med has been enough to get me out of the wicked depression and into a horrible agitation. It is once again 5 AM, I have been awake for hours, unable to shut the fuck up [...]

The follow-up

Just warning, this is going to be a boring post, but I’ve had a few emails asking for the end of the story, so here is at least the next bit.
I finished the big deal project Monday, and agreed to hit the shrink again today, this morning, before work. I decided that now was as [...]