Facing the weekend

**** Update October 2008: If you reached this site from a weight loss/weight loss surgery forum, please tell me who posted it or why/how. Suddenly, I am receiving hundreds of hits from these forums, but they are private, so I can’t see anything about why my site appears on them. I’m really curious, drop me [...]

Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate

I guess it’s time to find a new med. I cannot function anymore. Even worse than the feeling is the mental slowing.
I’ve been doing a lot of the work that is sort of para-work from my actual field – the customer stuff, intrapersonal crap, all that. It’s been fun, but today, there was a serious [...]

Rage Dreams

When I was a kid, when I had nightmares, they were often the “being chased by something you can’t escape” type.
For the last few years, I have less fear dreams, and more rage dreams. The content is not consistent, but the tone is – I am furious, sometimes screaming at someone, sometimes physically trying to [...]

The mantra: It could be worse

Things are still hard. My brain is still stuck. Mornings are still hell. Things still swing around a lot, like last night, when I really wanted to go to bed, but suddenly just had to run and also write about something funny that happened to me yesterday on my regular blog. So I went to [...]

Going through the motions

It’s not that bad. (I am probably dooming myself with that statement.) But seriously, I was expecting things to be a lot worse by now.
True, I can’t get anything really important done. I can’t work on hard things that actually have some meaning. I can’t write, though I haven’t worked on the book for a [...]

On Going Down

I’m so fried that I can really only do busy-work. I did data entry for hours tonight. It’s alright; I had to catch up on that anyway. Today I worked long hours again, because if I do that, I forget everything else sometimes.
I put the radio on in the background. It was hard to find [...]

Still here

Yeah, I’m still around. It’s just that the going back to work and all that is killing me. I am very tired…even though I slept a lot this weekend. I wish I could just sleep well for once.
I am also now a couple of weeks with no meds. I forgot the actual physical feelings that [...]